This article examines three kinds of social relationship likely to be present when people with dementia are cared for at home by relatives or friends: custodial care, an intimate relationship, and home-life. Using Goffman's three defining aspects of custodial care – routinisation, surveillance and mortification of the self – the paper examines whether these characterised the care of people with dementia at home and, if so, whether they conflicted with the intimate relationship and with home-life.