Gender balance in caring is heavily skewed towards women providing the majority of care. This is particularly evident in literature relating to intellectual disability. Using the platforms of mothering and disability to examine the literature, this article sheds light on the cultural norms and societal discourses that influence 'who cares' for children and adults with disabilities. It highlights that 'who cares' is often a socially constructed ideology that results in a reconstructed identity for women. The impact on identity is discussed and suggestions are made regarding how discourse, policy and advocacy can support this cohort of carers.